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  • Writer's pictureParis

Stir Crazy in Steelton

Updated: Jul 28, 2021

Dear Paris,

My relationship did not survive the pandemic. My partner and I discovered pretty quickly that the people we'd fallen in love with only existed in public, social functions. He is boring, and I am gratingly energetic. He likes detective dramas, and I like reality shows. Plus whenever current events came up, I realized he was kind of a dick. Anyway, in a good year, I get serious spring fever, but this year I haven't gotten any in six months, and I am crawling up the walls. How do I get back out there?


Stir Crazy in Steelton (she/her)

Dear Stir,

As a fellow fever sufferer, I hear you. Something about the shift in seasons sends my ovaries in overdrive, which is actually pretty stupid on their part because even if I agreed with my hormones, who would ever want to give birth in the dead of winter? Assuming you're looking for a hookup and not a baby Capricorn, it might be a good idea to get this desperation out of your system before you start considering another long-term relationship. Unfortunately, we're not out of the Pandemic woods yet, which limits your options.

Even if you've been vaccinated, it's not a good idea to start cozying up to random strangers at the bar just yet, or probably ever because that's just not safe, girl, and I want to believe you're older, wiser, and more responsible than you were when you found the last dud. But speaking of the last dud, I noticed you did not mention the sex in your list of complaints. Is there someone from your past or current social milieu who you trust, are attracted to, and think would be into sharing some affection? If so, why not give them a call and see if you can squeeze into each other's spring schedules safely?

If going through your little black book is a bust and you're not ready for the commitment of a ad, it might be a good time to focus on yourself. I'm not saying "self-care" because I think we can all agree if we have to read that phrase one more time we'll pluck out our own eyes faster than you can say "Oedipus." I'm saying it's not the worst idea to take some space to evaluate what you really want out of life or what you'll really need from your next partner. Hell, a fresh perusal of porn might even reveal new sides of yourself to you. Many mystic traditions value abstinence in order to preserve precious vital energies and as a method of generating compassion and attention toward the spiritual side of both yourself and others. With other humans blinking into the sun, remembering what it feels like to be hot, and stripping down to smaller units of clothing, at least your temptation may be mitigated by masks and distance this year.



Paris of Harrisburg | Advice

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